Paddy came to Australia and immediately wanted to learn to be a parachutist.
The first lesson Paddy was told, "Keep calm, stay cool and above all ask questions. Remember keep calm stay cool and above all ask questions."
The Instructor asked Paddy to repeat what he just said. Paddy answered in his native accent, "I've got to stay cool,keep calm and ask questions"
"Right, said the instructor" you're ready to jump...this afternoon."
Up in the plane Paddy repeated his instructions 'keep calm stay cool ask questions,....keep cool stay calm ask questions."
Next thing with a big push Paddy is heading down " what will I be doing first? I know I'll pull my my main chute" but nothing happened, "What will I be doing now" he asked "I know my reserved chute"...but nothing happened.
One hundred metres off the ground Paddy looked around and repeated his instructions just as he saw a bloke coming up from the ground. "I know I'll ask him a question" so with a big booming voice paddy asked, "EXCUSE ME SIR DO YOU KNOW HOW TO OPEN A PARACHUTE.
The answer came back, " NO BUGGER ALL MATE .. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO LIGHT A GAS BARBECUE?"